Private Resort epitomizes 80’s cheese. Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean) in his second movie and Rob Morrow (Northern Exposure) in his first star as two teens with sex on the mind who spend a long weekend at a posh Florida resort in the hopes of attaining one goal – getting laid. Unfortunately for them, they first set their sights on Bobbie Sue (played by Leslie Easterbrook of the Police Academy series), the hot wife of a jewel thief, The Maestro (Hector Elizondo), and through a series of misunderstandings find themselves incurring his wrath. Meanwhile, The Maestro (Elizondo) is at the resort to steal a huge diamond being sported by Dody Goodman, who coincidentally, also has a hot granddaughter that Depp is after. Lots of sillyness ensues.

Basically, there’s only one redeeming feature in this movie and that may be debatable depending on your own personal tastes. There is a shot of Johnny Depp’s 19 year old bare bottom. But believe me, it’s not worth sitting through the entire movie. I am actually ashamed of the brilliant Hector Elizondo for playing in this movie, but hey, it was the 80’s and his plum roles had yet to come along, I guess. Andrew Dice Clay turns in a very typical role as the brutish jackass out to cheat on his girl and using idiotic Depp and Morrow to accomplish it. As the cover alludes to, there is a good bit of T&A in this film, but again, the plot is so painfully lame that it is not worth it.

Overall, although Depp and Morrow end up with their dream girls, the plot is so silly as to not really be enjoyable. Even if you are a fan of Depp’s, pass on this stinker.