Sascha Petrosevitch (Seagal) is an undercover FBI agent searching for information about the man who killed his wife. Sascha takes part in a botched car theft and, along with criminal partner Nick Frazier (Ja Rule), is sent to prison. The two end up in a newly re-opened Alcatraz, home of "Slaughterhouse Five", a death chamber that offers convicts five ways to die (lethal injection, gas, electrocution, hanging or firing squad). As you would expect, Sascha and Nick's stay isn't a peaceful one. A criminal on death row knows the location of $200 Million in gold bars, so a group of criminals called the 49ers break into Alcatraz and, well... stuff happens.
Half Past Dead is little more than a random collection of stunts, action sequences and plot points collected from nearly every action movie in the last 10 years and stitched together with a ridiculous plot. Since you've likely seen everything the movie throws at you, the plot drags to a near standstill and the entire movie feels like a Scary Movie-style parody of action films. Sadly enough, the best part of the entire movie is Ja Rule trying to teach Seagal to speak slang. After that, it's just an hour of well-dressed criminals and Seagal trying to play William Wallace to a bunch of inmates.
If the feature presentation leaves you craving more Seagal, Half Past Dead features a slate of deleted scenes and director's commentary. Considering how shaky the movie is, the commentary isn't that bad and fairly enjoyable. There's also a "Making of..." feature, though it is little more than the actors saying how great Seagal and the movie are.
Even if you go into the movie with lowest expectations possible (or none at all), it is hard to recommend Half Past Dead even as a rental.
